My dad is a very young 72 today. He’s a lawyer, a writer, a playwright, a music composer, an activist, a commercial real estate agent, a teacher, a business person, a comedian, a public speaker, a husband and a pretty darn good dad. One of the greatest gifts my dad has given me is my name, although it took me awhile to appreciate it.

My dad has three daughters and he always has told each of us many times since we were very young, that we can do anything we believe we can do.

I believe him.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Much love,

Marijean

I belong to a group of working moms in Charlottesville. Primarily, my involvement has been online. As I’ve been thinking about two of the candidates for Charlottesville city council, both working mothers with young children, I decided to float some questions out to the group.

I wrote:

As some of you know there are two working moms with young children running for city council in Charlottesville. What you may not know is that at least one of them has faced criticism from fellow moms. Other mothers have suggested these women “wait” until their children are older. What do you think? Is it better to wait? What if that’s not an option? Is it too much to carry a full time job, volunteering and other pursuits?

It seems to me that these women need and deserve the support of all of us as fellow working moms, so when the time comes WE want to do something outside the 9-5 it won’t be such a struggle. Isn’t it time people got over it and realized women should not have limits?

I’m interested to hear if any of you have faced similar criticism and how you’ve handled it.

And the responses came flooding in . . .

“I admire these women who want to get involved in local politics. Who better to speak to the needs of women (especially working women) than other working women?”

“I find it distasteful that other mothers suggest that these women wait until their children are older. I can’t imagine telling someone else what to do with their time or how they should expend their energy.”

“I’m impressed
with these women and totally support them…I think it’s impossible to make judgments about what other people can handle. It’s easy, though, to criticize people who make different choices - usually because someone is doing something you wish you could do!
For some women, they need to do more than ‘just’ be a stay at home mom.
For some women, ‘doing it all’ is a matter of course.
For some women, they’d go nuts trying to do all that multitasking.

So yeah, it does seem like a lot to have on your plate - I turn down a lot of things to spend time with my child in the evenings, since I work all day. So my immediate reaction to these women is ‘oh my god! how can they do it??’ But that’s a reaction about ME, not them.”

“I personally think it’s great that working women with families are running for positions.  Don’t working men with families do the same???  Oh right, but they are men.  I forgot.  (Note sarcasm.) ”

“I think there is a good chance that I would go insane if I were a SAHM, I just don’t think I have it in me.  I need that time away and to use my brain.  Kids are a tough job and demanding for sure, but I have to say my mind feels a bit numb when my husband is out of town and I spend the weekend alone with my infant son. ”

What do you think?

I’ve said before that I am not a political blogger. If you read this space at all you know that. Rarely do I wax political or share my opinions, but today, I’m fired up politically, for non-political reasons.

A friend of mine is running for office. She’s a mom, but really that’s irrelevant, just a fact for you to consider in a series of facts.

Recently, she’s been attacked by other moms for running for office. Why? Because she has young children and apparently, the local mom conventional wisdom is that it’s better to pursue your dreams when your children (and, consequently, you) are older.

This infuriates me to no end. My friend and her husband are both involved parents in their children’s lives. Her decision to run for office was and is a family decision. As an involved citizen, whether she runs for office or not is also irrelevant to the argument. She works, networks and serves. It makes her happy, fulfilled and in fact, a better mother because of it. Her husband is far happier being a caregiver to the children. Running around meeting people, making a difference in the community – it’s simply not his bag.

And let’s just consider this: is it that she’s running for office in particular? Is that why? Are moms who are going to night school or working a second job to help support the family criticized for improving their lives? We should criticize someone willingly making a sacrifice to improve our community? Shame on those mothers who dare to criticize the mother, or in fact, simply the woman, trying to do more. This is the kind of conversation that is never raised when a man is taking on additional responsibility, traveling or running for office.

We should all be aghast that in 2007 there is this gender bias, particularly on the grassroots level of local politics. What progress have we made in enabling women; capable, smart, valuable women such as my friend to contribute to our communities. We should be instead asking her how we can help. We should be bringing casseroles, inviting her children to playdates and above all bolstering her spirit with YES YOU CAN messages and WE WILL SUPPORT YOU because you are one of us, and when the day comes when we want to do something outside the “norm” we don’t want anyone telling us no, or that we should wait because postponing dreams is the very first step to making sure they never are realized.

On the corner I linger, watching the 10-year-old girl cross the street. I feign nonchalance by request. My presence mortifies her and yet, she wants me there. Since there’s no crossing guard, she waits till the cars stop at the crosswalk (due to my glare, no doubt) and makes her furtive dash across the street, purple messenger bag beating time on her hip. She jangles a wave and she’s gone; absorbed into the throng of kids, teachers and parents.

I watch for a bit, still. The cars come and go, buses pull to the curb and dispatch a whole generation’s leaders. The other mothers, the moms dressed as I am, in the uniform of the stay-at-home mom, in sweater, jeans and Keds or Danskos, escort their children most, or all of the way to the school. Some kids arrive alone.

As I linger at the corner, I wonder only then what would the rest of the day be, were I a SAHM? What would I return to the house to do? I know if I had a day free I’d clean, maybe bake or cook something, paint or do some other household project, meet a friend for lunch and shop. Or would I? More likely those would be my intentions and I would end up writing or reading every livelong day away.

Instead, as I pivot on my heel at the top of the street, ready to return home, I am the faux SAHM; that woman in the neighborhood who rarely leaves the house, except to walk her child to school. It sounds like something you’d order at an Asian restaurant, doesn’t it? “I’d like the Fo Sahm, an eggroll and a Diet Coke, please.” As I return home I bypass dishes, floors, baking and painting and enter my home office where I work, full time, forgetting there’s a home above and around me, until, by necessity I’m called back to it, to be the mom, the wife, the person who lives there, not just works.

Would I have wanted to be a SAHM? No, no I don’t think so, but it’s always fun to think about what you could do with a day if you were wearing someone else’s Danskos.

We’ve been living in Charlottesville now for 15 months, at least 500 miles from any relatives. Or so we thought. Turns out, I have a cousin right here in C’ville. Not a close cousin, of course, a second cousin once removed, but a relative! It seems kind of amazing.

Now, I haven’t met the guy yet, but my aunt discovered he’s here and had to share the news.

He is — are you following this? — my grandmother’s nephew’s grandson. Got that? His great great grandparents were my great grandparents. Understand? My grandmother’s sister was his great grandmother. His grandfather is my mother’s first cousin. Right-oh! So there you go. A blood relation on my mother’s side, right here in C’ville.

I wonder if he’s at all as interested as I am in meeting a distant cousin.

Dear Jaggers Family,

I am writing you on behalf of your fellow parishioners. It seems that those with the misfortune of being seated behind you are suffering from great difficulty, not being able to see the altar due to the significant height of your family. We must humbly request that you refrain from sitting in the first 25 rows, at a minimum. In fact, we think it would be best for the entire parish if you were to take seats in the back row from now on.

If it is not too much trouble, we would also like to request that when you rise for communion, if you would not all stand in unison. The enormity of your clan rising collectively is quite disruptive and frightening to some of the younger children. Thank you for your understanding.

As you know, we at __________ parish are accepting of all types of people. We welcome your family and the diversity you bring to our community.

Finally, we hope you will join us for Sister Elizabeth’s Shortcake Social this Saturday.

Warm regards,

Father G.

How to Eat Fried Worms
The girl found it amusing;
More gross than clever

• The University of Missouri (I stayed for one heck of a life-changing year);
• Lindenwood College, now University (three quick years; my alma mater summa cum laude, thank YOU);
• University of Missouri-St. Louis;
• Fontbonne University (where I was once the coolest PR teacher they ever had);
• U of Illinois (no interest in attending as most people I knew from H.S. were Illini-bound);
• Southern Illinois University in Carbondale (my sisters are alums);
• Washington University in St. Louis;
• St. Louis University;
• Sangamon State University (now part of the U of I in my hometown);
• University of Virginia (in my backyard); and, finally
• James Madison University

Yes, believe it or not, we’ve begun the college tour with the boy, who will graduate with the class of 2008. JMU is his first pick thus far. Those who know him, the kid who invented laid back, will be amused to know he turned to me just as we started our tour and said, “I’m so excited.” It’s the first time I’ve ever heard him say that about anything. Ever.

Where did you go to college? Any regrets?

We’re going to some friends’ for an Easter potluck tomorrow. Originally we’d planned to go to D.C. for the day but with cold weather our plans have changed. So today, I’ve baked one grandma’s cheesy potatoes and another grandma’s famous orange rolls to take to the party. And since she asked nicely, I’ve made my own homemade apple sauce for the girl.

What do you like to make for Easter dinner?

Happy Easter, everyone.

We were surprised this morning by a layer of glistening snow.

Fortunately, it didn’t appear to hurt the tulips. 

The daffodils, however, may be another story. 

I don’t really know what this is, but it’s in my yard and I think it’s pretty.

Anybody know? Anybody? Bueller?