1. Refrain from saying, a la the Rudolph movie, “I want to be a dentisth.” Some people don’t think lisps are funny, nor do they get the obscure 1960s movie reference. My kids, however, think this is hilarious.
2. Wear shoes that tie or that are guaranteed to stay on your feet. I once had a clog drop from my elevated foot, smashing the toe of an unsuspecting dental hygenist. Awkward.
3. Bring something to read. You know, unless People is your speed and you have lots of Hannah Montana and Britney Spears catching up to do.
4. Before you leave, take the legal limit of ibuprofen, even if you’re taking someone else for their appointment. Trust me. It works.
5. Try to find a really relatively hot female dentist. Your husband and teenaged son will be much more likely to keep their appointments.
6. Do not allow photographs at any time during your visit. I was recently informed that a large photo of my eight-year-old self having my teeth flossed hangs prominently in the offices of one Curtiss L. Floyd, DDS. (By the way, Doc, congratulations on 40 years of serving the community — you’re still my favorite dentist, ever!)

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