I write this aware that my mother will sit at her kitchen table, cup of Lipton tea before her, furrow of worry at her brow, reading this post from the page my father has printed, from the e-mail he receives to let him know there’s a new post on my blog. Hello, Mom! Hello, Dad!
I’m blogging when there are at least 100 other things I should be doing. I’m in that lull that precedes “the scurry” that inevitably precedes the work trip. There’s a list in my head of what I want to/need to accomplish for work. There’s another list that encompasses that which I want to do for the boy’s birthday on Tuesday. There’s the other, unavoidable list of the laundry that must be finished, the dinner made, the arrangements made for the week. There’s this other crazy, misguided list of stuff I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, not limited to the task of ironing on the 42 patches the girl has earned in Girl Scouts. There’s a list of the stuff I wanted to get done before this trip (get a haircut, get a few items drycleaned) that may be moving to the “It’s not going to happen,” list.
This is the war cry of the overachiever.
I’m just this close to feeling overwhelmed and I can hear my mother’s voice in my head, “Are you doing too much? Do you think maybe you need to slow down, or take a break?” and I can’t listen to it because then I will feel those pangs of defeat, will allow myself to feel tired, to pause in my motion for that long enough second that will let the self-doubt in. It will take all the inner shouting I can muster to drown it out with, “Yes I can! I can do it all! I WILL do it all!” Then that other voice, the voice of the Fly Lady, will remind me, “Baby steps, dear.”
And they’re both right, of course. I will take the break. I will slow down. I will blog, for example, when I have something to say. I will not apply undue pressure to the wound of working too much. I will take baby steps and with a little planning, and a big, deep breath it will all get done.
Except the Girl Scout patches. That’s gotta wait.
I will do what I can, let go what I can’t, but above all, I will come through on the other side of this with some sense of accomplishment, and without the pain of defeat.
As you said, one step at a time. That’s the only way complete what needs to be done.
Just stop. You’re making me SOOOO tired.
Oh, I’m sorry MJ. I hear you. You’ll get through it, we’ll meet, and it will be fantastic. Mid-way, there’s an amazing city awaiting you, and a loving husband and family on the other side to welcome you home. You rock, and don’t ever think anything less.
Good God, MJ–My child is 12, no longer in girl scouts, and I think, maybe, in the bottom of some junk drawer are her patches. In fact, since nothing much ever gets thrown away–just moved around–I’m fairly certain they are there somewhere. The point? They are NOT on her sash. And yet, I sleep well at night. As working moms (saw the blog in which a SAHM gave her two cents), we prioritize by MUST BE DONE NOW, can wait til tomorrow, would be great to get around to, and somewhere on the bottom of the junk drawer. Those who claim to get it all done and have freshly coiffed hair and perfect make-up are liars, or else they have a lot of paid help. The rest of us hold our uncut heads high and write yet another list of things to do! Love your blog…it’s been fun reading about the life of another class of ’88er..looking forward to the reunion!
I have been reading a lot on here and have picked up some great info. One thing I have found which works really well for better sleep, feeling more relaxed and focused is binaural beats. As strange as they may sound (excuse the pun) they are a very powerful method of relaxation.