The Hair Color Crossroads
I have come to a crossroads with my hair. If I continue down one path, there are two diverging roads. On one, I can spend at least $100 a month at a salon where my color will be efficiently and beautifully managed. I’ll never show a bit of gray hair although roots will show and I must be on top of the maintenance schedule. This option is not that appealing to me. That’s a lot of money over a year’s time. Also, I hate scheduling appointments and spending that kind of time in a salon.
The second road down this path is, of course to color my hair myself. This is much less expensive. I, however, am far from a professional colorist. When I’ve done my hair myself I miss whole sections or the color comes out not exactly the shade I’d hoped. I’ve ranged from chocolate to auburn to a punky maroon. It’s really tough to match plain old brown and not have it look fake or overdyed. Colored hair, particularly for brunettes, looks so obvious to me.
Aside from the reluctance to maintain hair color, either on my own or with professional help, I wonder about the effect of coloring one’s hair. Is it really good for me to have all those chemicals on my head? What about the environment? Is it “green” to color one’s hair? Probably not.
My husband is very anti-hair color. He would actually prefer it if I just let it go. He’s graying at a rate slightly faster than I am, and it looks good on him — of course. Gray hair always looks good on men. I said that I think when people see a (younger) woman with gray hair they think she doesn’t take enough of an interest in her appearance. But I’m not sure that’s true. In the last few weeks I’ve noticed plenty of my friends my age or thereabouts who aren’t coloring their hair. It looks fine — good, even. Normal.
I mean, as a friend from grade school recently pointed out, we’re almost forty. Who are we kidding, here?
So I’m seriously considering it. So much in fact it’s been months since I’ve covered my gray. I don’t have much — just a string of holiday lights along my part and a few at my temples. In the right light, it looks silvery, and I’m hoping, in the sun, like highlights. Maybe I’ll be lucky and have that lovely silvery hair that some older women have, rather than dull, colorless locks.
My guess is it will take ten years or more before I’m completely gray. Maybe even closer to 20. Although, in the next ten years the girl will go through all of what teenagerhood holds. She may well turn my hair white overnight.
Are you going gray? Where do you stand on the hair coloring issue? I used to think I’d color till I was dead, never for a minute revealing my true color. Now though, I think I’ll just let it go, and see what happens. If I start being mistaken for a much older woman, then I can always start coloring again.
I just started with a light brown henna rinse last fall and so far, am not minding the maintenance all that much. How long I continue to do this remains to be seen, but I simply refuse to spend loads o’ money at Moxie for color.
I think a lot of women look good with gray hair. I’m 39 and found my first gray hair a couple of months ago. Management was easy: I pulled it out. I will probably attempt to color my hair at home, when there are too many gray hairs to pull out, and if that doesn’t look good, I’ll probably go to a salon.
I’ve got some gray but no streaks yet. My hairdresser tells me I don’t have much gray. I’ve decided not to color.
I used to color it red myself, which never worked very well, and I’ve gotten highlights at salons before, but these days I just can’t make myself part with the money. I’m at Moxie every 6 weeks for a cut and spending enough as it is.
Henna rinse sounds fun. Maybe I’ll try that.
I also noticed that Stacy London of What Not To Wear does not color her hair (unless that grey is added by her hairdresser — always possible). If she’s considered a style expert and is letting the gray show, then why not me? (Not that anyone would ever consider me a style expert.)
Does everyone get their hair cut at Moxie? What am I missing? Maybe if we all go together we can get a discount.
I have a friend who, when asked why she did not color her hair, replied, “Because I don’t want to look one day stupider than I am.” What a pistol!
I colored my hair starting at about age 28 until about age 38. Then I did henna for a year or so. Now I just let it be. The chemicals and bother just got to be too much. Now with a liberal amount of salt among the pepper, it is amazing to me how many compliments I get about my hair.
At age 24 I started dying my hair to get rid of the gray. Now at 26, I’m digging the highlighted look that covers up my gray pretty nicely. I don’t over-do the highlights and most people don’t even notice. I will probably continue doing something of this sort until its “cool” to have gray hair. Then I’ll be really in style because mine will be natural.
(and I really do have gray hair. My mom tells me that my grandma “was completely white by the time she was 30.)
Found my first gray hair in 4th grade- really! I thought I would be totally gray by my 20′s but it didn’t happen. I have some gray but am way too low maintenance to do anything about it. Whatever happens, happens. I’m going the natural route.
And- I go to Moxie too!
I vote you let it go! Here is some inspiration:
http://www.goinggrayblog.com
Girl–go gray and be proud of it! Those are some hard won and hard earned marks of distinction up there on your head. I always thought I would color forever too, but I am like you–it just seems too much work for a little misplaced pride. Take pride in the fact that you have made it this far. Forgive me for not responding to your email. Pretty lame of me I know. But I do love reading your blog and can’t wait to see you in October at our 20-year reunion! We can count our grays!
Angi
PS–If you really have to do something with the gray–try some highlights.
I am 48, going on 49, and started coloring about two years ago. I have long brown hair, and now it’s long brown with gray streaks. It’s not pretty. It just makes me look old and tired — that could be because I’m old and tired
I hadn’t felt old and tired looking until this year which has been, and continues to be, one of extreme stress. I finally bought new clothes that are more age appropriate, and let go of the stuff from 12 years ago, hanging in my closet and reminding me that it’s not 12 years ago.
As for the hari, I’m not so resolved. I go back and forth with it. It’s been over six months since I colored it, so I have about 4″ of salt & pepper bottomed out by about 9″ of dyed brown. I hate dying my hair myself, not because I do a bad job (i’m pretty meticulous about it), but, because the dye is a mess and gets on the bathroom wall and I can never get it out.
After going through moralizing internally about the environment, and about my reponsibility to my feminist sisters, I’m afraid that my sense of femininity in these peri-menopausal years, and my general lack of self esteem when it comes to my looks, comprise one particular character defect I cannot purge myself of at the moment, and I’ve given in.
I’ve got an appointment at Bristles on Tuesday morning. What is this “moxie” place? Sounds too trendy for this old and tired person.
I started going gray when I was 23, and I think it’s great. Not only because a) half of the town labors under the impression that I’m perpetually 16 years old but because b) that’s hair that I still have.
Graying hair is like balding: you just can’t cover it up forever, so what’s your exit strategy? If I lose my hair over the course of 40 years, it’ll be as gradual and natural to friends as it is to me. But if I have some dumb-ass combover, one day I’ll be that guy with ten strands across my pate. Or, if I have more sense, I’ll abruptly stop the combover at a reasonable point, but that still means that one day I’ll functionally go from having a full head of hair to being half-bald.
So go gray as men should deal with hair loss: slowly and gracefully.
I color my hair with Preference by L’Oreal. I usually wait until there is a sale and kind of stock up. I like it because it has a comb attachment that makes it much easier to get all of your hair colored. But, you are right about choosing the right color. I tried to match my natural hair color and ended up looking like an old Jewish woman.
I’m 42 and have colored my hair for several years now, probably around 10 yrs. I have gone once in awhile to the salon for highlights after coloring it myself. But, that’s expensive and I just can’t justify it.
I hate the growing out stage. That’s mainly why I color it. Oh, who am I kidding? I just don’t want the gray. And with long hair, I think it looks strange. So when I do decide to go au naturale, I’ll probably get it cut short so that the growing out will not be so icky.
I do get my hair colored but not because of the gray. I have dark, mousy, and dull dark brown hair that if I don’t color it, I look dead. I think if I could find a way to gradually stop coloring my hair without my hair looking so bad in the between stages, I would.
It’s not that I mind the gray, but it washes me out. I got my hair lowlighted in Dec and it looked great, but it’s almost all gone/faded now and I don’t want to spend the money again. I have used Clairol Natural Instincts in the past because it washes out gradually, it gets brassy though if left in too long and one time my hair turned out almost red. I’m about to use that type of color again, but I really wish I looked better with the gray. I’m not sure anyone else minds, some people have said they thought I was “blonde”, I don’t know if they were just being nice…
I am EXACTLY where you are on this. In fact, my 20th high school reunion is coming up, and I’ve told myself that after that, I will no longer color. (As it stands right now, I spend nearly five minutes daily pulling out white hair.) Coloring is such a waste of time for me, as my hair is barely one inch long. My color gets cut out every month. Silly, really.
It’s funny how much I love seeing older women with short spiky gray hair, yet I’m fighting the thought of becoming one of them.
C’mon, do you want to look like a grandmother in your 30s? Highlights should work for you. Better yet, go blonde like me.
I am not afraid to say I am fighting going gray every step of the way. I found my first in high school, though, and based on roots, would have to say that I am predominantly white at 37–not so pretty. I refuse to be whiter than my mother (who still colors). But, then, I am also the one who forewarned her husband a year ago that my 20th reunion was coming up and I might require a few minor cosmetic procedures (When you see me, gasp at my beauty and youthful appearance–and don’t tell a soul! In any case, nothing has been done yet.) However, I have given up the do it yourself method, as I do color for vanity’s sake. Not willing to spend a great deal on it, though, I’ve found someone super at Mastercuts.
Love your posts Keep em coming I look forward to more!