In Search of Lard
At the Harris Teeter, I paused before the refrigerated case with the butter. I knew if I stood still long enough, an employee would ask if I was finding everything OK. They always do. An employee approached with the requisite question. I did my best Meg Ryan head tilt and asked, “If I were to be in the market for some lard, where might I find it?”
“Oh we don’t sell lard. Had to take it off the shelf. It’s bad for you, you know,” he said.
Inwardly, I snickered. Here we stood in a store that sells cigarettes, bacon, beer and wine, hundreds of products made with synthetic food materials and I’m being told a little lard has been taken off the shelves.
“What are you going to do with lard? Cook some beans?” he asked.
“I want it for pie crust,” I whispered, conspiratorily. “Please don’t tell anyone I’m buying lard.”
It occurred to me that it might be easier to buy illegal drugs than it is to buy lard in this community.
“HEY, JOE! WHERE CAN THIS LADY BUY SOME LARD?”
Oh jeez, now the whole store knows I’m the lard-buying lady. “You weren’t supposed to tell anybody!” I hissed, looking around anxiously for neighbors, kids’ teachers or my DOCTOR. The two employees pondered my dilemma as I tried to blend, chameleon-like into the display of “trans-fat free” margarine. “You probably want to drive out to a country store. No place in town is going to sell lard.”
BECAUSE IT WILL KILL YOU, I thought. “So drive out to some county where nobody knows me and go to a nearly deserted country store and there I will find the lard?”
“Yep. Good luck.”
I continue on my search for The Lard.
Amen.
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
There’s lard in pie crust? Weird.
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Actually, there doesn’t HAVE to be, but pie makers will tell you that the best crusts are made with lard. Not entirely lard, but lard with butter and/or shortening. I just want to try it to see if it’s true.
I’m putting my faith in the Lard.
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
The Food Lion across the street once had lard. Or, you could order it. Someone online has it.
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Ironically big bad st louis has lard and it does make great crusts, I though prefer Shortening, cause its easier to keep and the crusts turn out almost as good.
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Did you try Reid’s? If they don’t have lard I’ll eat my hat.
I’ve had plenty of relatives who lived to a ripe old age eating lard. Unless you plan to live on pie (mmmm, live on pie) I reckon you’ll be all right.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
You can’t go looking for lard at the uber-yuppie Harris Teeter. Lard is way too lowbrow for the HT. If you were lard, where would you be? I second the PP’s who said Food Lion or Reid’s.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 pm
You should check Foods of All Nations - I know that they have rendered goose grease in their dairy cabinet, so surely they must have lard too!
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm
If any of the stores in town don’t have it, you may want to try Yoder’s Country Market up in Madison. It’s not really a long drive, and they have lots of yummy stuff.
I have a feeling that if anyone has lard, they will.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Omigosh, I love this story! It reminds me of the Mr. Mom scene when the checker asks for a price check on tampons! Good luck with the lard. You may have to pick some up when you are here in STL.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
So funny! I too once blundered into HT and asked for lard and was sneered at. Elizabeth is probably right about Reid’s. A store that sells hog maws probably sells lard.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:22 am
You don’t save the bacon drippins?
Yep. No shortage of Lard in the STL. Maybe you could smuggle some back next time you visit. I’d love to see your expression when the TSA guy holds up your 5 pound cans of lard and screams “J’accuse!”
I can remember the day I found out that cake frosting… Magical, mystery cake frosting, was actually whipped animal fat with food coloring and sugar in it.
“Whipped animal fat? Really?”
May 7th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I read somewhere, and I swear this is true, that lard is actually better for you than real butter. It has less of some kind of bad fat. Not that butter is really great for you, but I think it is better than margarine. All things in moderation right? Anyhow, I believe Food Lion carries lard, so look on the bottom shelf near the shortening. Or in the Mexican foods aisle (some Food Lions have a killer Mex. food section). I think the worst thing about lard is that they put weird preservatives in it, bc no one uses it, so it has to last a millennium on the shelf.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
You might enjoy this article:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C06E3DC1E3CF932A25753C1A9669C8B63&sec=health&&scp=3&sq=lard%20pennsylvania&st=cse
I ordered lard from John Martin & Sons in PA years ago because, like you, I had to try it in pie crust. The pie was delicious, the flakiest crust I’ve ever made. I made apple pie with it, and the aroma in the kitchen did remind me vaguely of pork roast with apples. I only did it once, but it was worth the hassle of ordering and the calories. If I do come across such a high-quality lard in a local store, I would buy it for pie.