At the Makeup Counter

I went to the “mall.” I say “mall” because if you could see our mall in Charlottesville, you’d know those quotes are entirely justified. I had, however, my postcard telling me it was Clinique bonus time and a coupon for free panties at Victoria’s Secret. Yes, I’m cheap.

So I went to the mall to collect my free stuff and to review the vast menu of options to fulfill the $19.99 requirement that would earn me a nice bag filled with travel-sized samples of Clinique makeup and skincare products.

I was assailed by a skin technician. Is that what they’re called? I think so but I only loosely use that term. In my head I think, “makeup counter lady.” It’s the white lab coats that differentiate.

“When was the last time your skin was typed?” she asked.

I refrained from telling her about the time I worked so far into the night that I fell asleep on my keyboard. That was sort of like my face typing. I’m sure that’s not the same thing.

So the lab-coated one provided recommendations after applying this and that to my cheek and saying, “Oooh, you’ve got cross-hatching. You’re not exfoliating!”

Darn it. Busted.

“Did you know that applying moisturizer to unexfoliated skin is like wearing a raincoat in the shower?”

Why, no, I did not.

After recommending a list of products that would have easily totaled $200 and perhaps given me the fountain of youth, I made my $20 purchase and awaited my reward. As the salesgirl technician rung me up, my eyes strayed to the next makeup counter. How could they not — after all, right next door were the MAC girls.

Anyone familiar with MAC knows the scene; loud, pumping music, women with hair in shades named “Passion” and “Cardiac Arrest.” Their faces are suited for Cirque de Soleil, not the mall. I thought, I’ll bet the MAC girls never, ever hang out with the Clinique team. In fact, I bet there’s zero interaction between the two despite the fact that they’re mere feet apart from one another and probably make identical hourly wages.

I pondered whether I was ever a MAC girl. I pondered the idea that I’m not really a Clinique girl either, I’m just a sucker for a free gift with purchase.