A friend of a friend has cancer. My friend wants to offer the family (a mom, dad and two young kids) some help and called to ask for some ideas. I know from the experiences of friends and family that during the weeks a patient is undergoing chemotherapy treatment, the days after treatment are the most difficult. I suggested three things for my friend to consider doing:
- Bring dinner to the family during treatment weeks (preferably, reheatable refrigerated or frozen stuff, in case it’s not needed immediately)
- Organize, with the other moms in the network (other parents of kids from the school) a few meals a week
- Offer to buy the kids’ school supplies when buying your own kids’ stuff — you’re going to be doing the shopping anyway, why not pick up two extra sets (they can reimburse you if it’s not a charity offer – in this situation, it’s not money they need, it’s support)
I’m running dry on ideas to offer my friend and I’m hoping you can help. This is a family that won’t ask for help and may have difficulty accepting offers, so the more creative, the better. Please leave any ideas in the comments. Thanks!
Hey Marijean- these are all good ideas. What I’ve found is that asking isn’t the same as doing. Asking if you can do something -even something specific – places the burden on them to accept help. Instead, just do. Take dinner to the house, but leave it on the porch with a note and don’t even say hi. Get others to do the same. Just buy the school supplies and bring them over. Show up ready to clean the house; show up ready to cut the grass.
It’s important to coordinate the foods themselves too or else the family will end up with 5 lasagnas and 7 chicken casseroles. Even something as simple as bags of frozen peas and other veggies are helpful, as fruits and veggies are often not thought of. Also: loaves of bread and dinner rolls, as they can be frozen too. Soup is good too.
Helping to carpool the kids to their games, playdates, piano lessons, etc. is another good one.
Help with house cleaning is another area in which the family will need help but won’t feel comfortable helping. Even if someone were to come in and run the vacuum, it helps a lot.
Help her plan something nice with her family for the times when he is feeling well.
I’ve also found that gift cards for restaurants (fast food and others) are nice because as much as they want to eat healthy and at home, there will be times that they will end up running around between kids activities, treatments and life in general and will have to stop and get something. Even though money isn’t the issue, it can become one and not having to worry about one more thing is nice.
Once someone purchased 12 frozen desserts for us from Trader Joe’s. We had lots of meals from other people (which was incredible) and having a delicious cakes and pies with no effort tasted great and felt so relaxing.
I also totally agree with Steve – just do it. Don’t overthink it. If it’s something that you’d think you’d appreciate then somebody else most likely would too. Kindness goes a long way.
I have a friend undergoing cancer treatments right now. I purchased a Reiki treatment for her. Pampering is good. Take her for a manicure or pedicure or haircut…you know how good that makes you feel when you feel like poop on toast. Taking the kids to the movies or just to your house so the parents can rest is good. Doing the laundry is good. Also, for those taking food, remember that most chemo patients end up neutropenic, and they can’t eat fresh fruits and veggies at that time. Fresh flowers are also off limits. Give her an audiobook or a movie…My friend wasn’t able to concetrate on a book, so I took her a sack of audiobooks…she was delighted. They spend hours sitting in centers receiving treatments…give her some cds of great music to listen to…can you imagine sitting there with no distraction? How about a pretty scarf or funky hat to wear? A soft and comforting lap blanket or shawl? Hope this helps.