The second pie in the Life of Pie project was Banana Cream, as requested by my daughter, who loves bananas. You can’t really tell from the photo, but beneath that real whipped cream and crushed Butterfinger top lies an aberration. This pie was a failure. I am not sure where it all went wrong, but the filling refused to thicken. I figured well, maybe it will set in the five recommended hours in the fridge. No such luck.

Undeterred, I spread the whipped cream over the top, landing glops in the muck that were like glaciers in semi-frigid water. I added the banana layer then carefully piped the rest of the whipped cream in a very fancy manner over the top. Then, I made my biggest mistake: I moved the pie from the counter to the table for photographic purposes.

Apparently, I went a little too fast because the pie innards SPLOOSHED right out onto the floor and, unfortunately, my shoe.

Forensic evidence:

The trajectory of the whipped cream and pie filling was impressive.

It took some time to clean up and mop and Clover, a dog who is apparently disinterested in pie, was no help whatsoever.

I recovered from my giggling fit long enough to reassemble, add the Butterfinger topping and photograph the pie.

Later, my family, God bless ‘em, ate the mess out of bowls with spoons. Hereafter, we’ll call this pie “Banana Cream Soup,” because that’s what it was.

I learned something else with this pie failure. I’ve developed an allergy to bananas. As I ate my mouth burned and itched. A few years ago I developed an allergy to walnuts and it’s much the same experience as when I eat foods with walnuts in them. I avoid walnuts now and will do so with bananas going forward. I’m no stranger to food allergies. I was allergic to all dairy products until I was 12 or so. So sadly, I won’t be making this pie again and bananas have now been added to my “do not eat” list.

I did it. I took the plunge and made the first pie in this experiment. It was hard to choose (and impossible to get consensus) so I picked a pie I’ve always wanted to make; sweet potato pie. Since I’m a Yankee, all things Southern hold extra appeal for me, particularly Southern food. I tried a slice of overprocessed sweet potato pie at a restaurant once and liked it well enough to know that a homemade, from scratch version would be much, much better.

I made the crust with butter and shortening (no lard at Food Lion; the search continues) and it was flaky enough. I made chantilly cream to go on top and the whole mess tasted like heaven to me. The girl was happy; she likes pumpkin pie and this is very similar. The husband gave it a “meh” and the boy refused to even try it.

You guys have been great though, helping me on my quest for the lard and providing pie advice. Also; Patience, what the heck is a hog maw? No, never mind, I don’t really want to know. So I’m thinking about pie-blogging. Maybe on a different blog, maybe here, nevertheless it needs a name. Some thought starters:

• The Pie Chart
• Pie Nation
• Pie’d: A Journey in Crust

I have a feeling you’re much better at this. How about a contest? The Best Pie Blog Name suggestion will win a $10 Starbucks gift card. Contest ends at 10 a.m. Eastern, Wednesday, May 7. Leave your ideas in the comments and I’ll post the winner.

Even though I am on a quest to find lard, and obsessed with the idea of baking pies, I am still losing weight. I have dropped 11 lbs. now. How? I was inspired by Michael Pollan’s simple advice: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Now, that’s an uncomplicated philosophy I can live with. None of this South Beach/Weight Watchers/Atkins business for me. No counting points or weighing food, no special recipes or low carb prepackaged foods; just good food.

I’ve been eating a lot of plants. I’ve made more from scratch. I’ve invested more of my grocery dollars in the produce area and stuck to the perimeter of the grocery store, buying fresh foods and steering clear of anything, as Pollan says, “my grandmother would not recognize as food.” I am young enough, I think, that I consider my great-grandmother instead. Granny would love all the prepackaged stuff. My great-great grandmother, (Wait. I think that’s right. Maybe it was just my great-grandmother.) I was told, was a baker. Her name was Nelly. She had her own bakery in, what would have been the late 1800s. I think of her. Would she consider this food? What would she make of THIS stuff? Wouldn’t she be happy about my desire to create pies? Wouldn’t she be aghast at a woman of my age not having mastered this yet?

I’m walking more, but not very much. I binge walk (better than binge eating, I suppose) when I have time, going on a long walk on the weekends but not fitting it in during the week. I’m eating less, and trying not to skip meals, although lunch remains a challenge. Most of all, I’ve stopped using sugar. Before Lent this year, I would put heaping teaspoons of sugar in my coffee or tea and drink several cups every day. That adds up. I think this alone has made a big impact. I’ve also banned soda with sugar from the house. I will buy diet soda and we do drink it (we like the diet Dr. Pepper and A & W root beer) but I drink less of it, and more water. And tea with no sugar. I still drink coffee, and if I have to, I put Splenda in it.

So I’m not doing anything really dramatic. It’s a change, but it’s not painful. No one feels deprived, least of all me. I still bake, but always from scratch, and not as often. I have had cheeseburgers, frozen yogurt and one evil piece of store-bought cake at a friend’s baby shower. Other than that, I’ve been very disciplined; lots of vegetables, lots of fruit, skim milk, whole grains and lean meat.

I look ridiculous, though. My pants are all huge and hang off of me. I’m glad that it’s getting warmer because I have skirts and skorts a size smaller that I can wear. I celebrated by buying a couple of new dresses and when I wear them, I practically skip, I feel so good. You wouldn’t think 11 lbs. would make much of a difference but it does. I’m hoping to keep it off, and keep going.

Pass the plants, please.

At the Harris Teeter, I paused before the refrigerated case with the butter. I knew if I stood still long enough, an employee would ask if I was finding everything OK. They always do. An employee approached with the requisite question. I did my best Meg Ryan head tilt and asked, “If I were to be in the market for some lard, where might I find it?”

“Oh we don’t sell lard. Had to take it off the shelf. It’s bad for you, you know,” he said.

Inwardly, I snickered. Here we stood in a store that sells cigarettes, bacon, beer and wine, hundreds of products made with synthetic food materials and I’m being told a little lard has been taken off the shelves.

“What are you going to do with lard? Cook some beans?” he asked.

“I want it for pie crust,” I whispered, conspiratorily. “Please don’t tell anyone I’m buying lard.”

It occurred to me that it might be easier to buy illegal drugs than it is to buy lard in this community.

“HEY, JOE! WHERE CAN THIS LADY BUY SOME LARD?”

Oh jeez, now the whole store knows I’m the lard-buying lady. “You weren’t supposed to tell anybody!” I hissed, looking around anxiously for neighbors, kids’ teachers or my DOCTOR. The two employees pondered my dilemma as I tried to blend, chameleon-like into the display of “trans-fat free” margarine. “You probably want to drive out to a country store. No place in town is going to sell lard.”

BECAUSE IT WILL KILL YOU, I thought. “So drive out to some county where nobody knows me and go to a nearly deserted country store and there I will find the lard?”

“Yep. Good luck.”

I continue on my search for The Lard.

Amen.

By far, the most frequently asked question in my house is, “What’s for dinner?” Sometimes this is asked before I even get a hello. A friend of mine left me a voicemail at dinnertime recently and said, “You’re probably making a four-course dinner for your family right now.” (I was.) A neighbor, who recently started working from home, like I do asked, “Do you make dinner every night?” This kind of question kind of baffles me. Of course I make dinner every night. I eat dinner every night and I almost always make it. What do people do that DON’T?!

I know that lots of people eat out more often than we do. Heck, my own parents eat out almost every night. (Or possibly, every night.) I heard of a working mom who went out to eat with her family every night of the week. They went to all chain restaurants, and had a schedule. Something like this: Mondays, Applebees; Tuesdays, Red Robin; Wednesdays, Bob Evans; Thursdays, Chilis; Fridays, Pizza Hut; Saturdays, McDonald’s; Sundays, Old Country Buffet. The idea of this makes me sick. Think of the cost! And wouldn’t you just get so bored? I even hate it when we’re on vacation and road trips require a string of meals eaten out.

So yes, I cook. Almost every night. Sometimes I rely on frozen foods to round out a meal. Sometimes, convenience foods make it all go a little faster; items like pizza crusts, jarred sauces, pre-shredded cheeses, frozen meatballs and frozen vegetables are part of my weekly shopping list. I’m also pretty fond of the frozen biscuits and dinner rolls that allow you to pop just what you need for dinner into the oven and have them ready in less than 20 minutes.

Tonight, having been asked for the millionth time in my life that tired question, I Googled, “What’s for dinner?” and look what I found — a blog with daily recipes. What a great idea. Where do you go for dinner-time inspiration?

I’ve been thinking a lot about pie. Why? Five things happened:

1. When it was on, I watched and adored the show Pushing Daisies. (Returning this fall, btw–joy!) The main character, referred to as “the pie man” makes pies at a restaurant called “The Pie Hole” as in “Shut yer . . .”

2. I saw the movie Waitress. Tell me you can watch that movie and not want pie. Go ahead. LIAR!

3. I read the book Julie and Julia; My Year of Cooking Dangerously. Hilarious and possibly life-altering.

4. I was talking with friends, one of whom admitted to an obsession with gardening. I don’t garden, but I knew what she meant when I confessed, “I’m obsessed with baking.” She understood and said it was the same kind of thing; a tactile activity with a tangible result. Since we work in the same field, on weekends and weeknights we crave the tangible. 

5. I bought, after coveting it on the shelf, the book Pie. It was $40 on the shelf, so I left it at the bookstore after reading several pages, then caved to the crave this week, buying it for much less on Amazon (with free shipping!).  

When I told the boy I bought a book about pie, he wanted to know if it was just pages and pages of the number. LIKE I’D EVER WANT A BOOK ABOUT PI.

I sat and read MUCH of it last night and am about to embark on a mission to become a master pie baker. And yes, I will likely blog the journey. There are sure to be some disasters as I blunder my way through 300 pages of pie recipes.

Another small thing happened while I was having my pie epiphany. Andrew Hersey blogged about a lemon pie that was the best food he’d ever put in his mouth. I had to know more, and Andrew was kind enough to tell me; not meringue, more of a cream. I will endeavor on my pie journey to reproduce this pie. Andrew will have to be an honorary tester.

AND YES, if I can find it, I WILL BAKE A CRUST WITH LARD. (Don’t suppose I can buy this at Rebecca’s or Whole Foods, eh?)

Neighbors and friends be warned: there’s a pie in your near future.

Even though it didn’t turn out beautifully, the Easter chocolate roll I made was very good, and several of you wanted the recipe, so here it is, with another photo from my FIL.

Chocolate Pudding Roll

1/3 cup cake flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
4 egg yolks
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/3 cup sugar
4 egg whites
1/2 cup sugar
One package instant chocolate pudding (you’ll need 2 cups milk to make the pudding)

Combine flour, cocoa, baking powder and baking soda. Set aside. In a mixing bowl, beat egg yolks and vanilla for 5 minutes until thick and lemon-colored. Gradually add the 1/2 cup sugar, beating on high till sugar is dissolved.

Wash the beaters, then, in another bowl (or, in my case, I have one bowl for my mixer so I had to transfer the egg yolks to another container, wash the bowl and start over) beat egg whites on medium speed till soft peaks form and tips curl. Gradually add 1/2 cup sugar, beating till stiff peaks form (stand up straight). This always takes longer than you think it will. Don’t even try this recipe if it’s humid out. Fold yolk mixture into beaten egg whites. Sprinkle flour mixture over egg mixture and gently fold until combined.

Spread batter into a greased and floured jelly roll pan. I use a cookie sheet with edges. Bake at 375 degrees for 12-15 minutes, or till cake springs back when touched in the center.

As soon as you take the cake from the oven, loosen edges with a butter knife. Prepare a clean kitchen towel (of the flour-sack, not the terry variety) on the counter with a sprinking of powdered sugar, and, if you’re feeling adventurous, powdered sugar mixed with cocoa. Turn the cake onto the towel. Do this quickly. Don’t freak out. It will be fine.

Roll up the towel with the cake inside, starting on a short end. Put the cake on a rack and let it cool completely. Meanwhile, make your chocolate pudding. If you make instant, it won’t need to cool, obviously. If you’re hard core, and make cook and serve pudding, it will, at least, need to be room temperature. Unroll the cake and spread the pudding, staying about a quarter of an inch from the edges. Roll that baby up!

You can stop there, but I didn’t. I covered it with a Chocolate Glaze. I was supposed to use half of the glaze but I wasn’t paying attention and made the whole recipe. So here’s the whole recipe. Halve it if you like.

Chocolate Glaze
4 squares semisweet chocolate
3 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 cups sifted powdered sugar

In a small saucepan, melt chocolate and butter over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat; stir in powdered sugar and enough hot water to make it a glaze-like consistency. Spoon over cake.

Chill the whole mess or sit down and eat it right away. Enjoy!

I have made many jelly rolls in my life. Usually, it’s a white cake outside with seedless raspberry jam in the middle. I like to make them because they are spring-like and lovely.

This year, for Easter, I decided to be adventurous, and try a chocolate jelly roll.

The pressure was on, because the in-laws were here, so I made my desserts and breakfast rolls from scratch. I lost track of things in the middle of the chocolate roll, and it didn’t turn out the way I would have liked.

In fact, it looked, as you can see, like a giant pile of poo.

And so when my family sat down to eat, they stared in horror admired this creation before them, what one christened, “the Easter turd.” “We think,” another said, “the Easter bunny left a little something behind.”

It seems we have a new tradition. It was, after sliced and on plates, quite delicious as it’s filled with chocolate pudding and coated with a chocolate glaze. I may, on the other hand, never make it again.

Did you hear me on WINA this morning? (Thanks to Rick, Jane and John Peterson for the plugs!) I invited everyone in radioland to come to Food for Thought!

I’ve invited all my friends in C’ville, my book club, Leadership Charlottesville, my husband’s work friends, the Charlottesville Working Moms, the C’ville bloggers including those wily cVillians, and YOU.

Don’t forget, tomorrow night only, show your support for Charlottesville students and the Charlottesville Community Scholarship Program by having dinner at one of these fine Charlottesville restaurants:

• C & O
• Fellini’s #9
• The Shebeen
• Zinc
• ZydeCo

A portion of your check will be donated to the Program, providing scholarships to area students. Learn more here.

I will be at The Shebeen from 6pm-9pm and hope to see you there!

Calling all Charlottesville bloggers!

This Tuesday, Feb. 26, join me at The Shebeen for a dinner with a cause. The Charlottesville Community Scholarship Program is hosting Food for Thought — a dining out event that will help provide funding for eligible Charlottesville students to go to college this fall. (Disclaimer: I am a board member; I’m chairing this event.)

I’m hoping for a dining blogger meetup — who knows, maybe we’ll see Jen and Pete, and one of my first C’ville blogger friends, Jennifer. Maybe Anoop will join us, and then write about it next week. I’ve always wanted to meet Stanley (dude, you can come if you get that drooling thing under control). I’m hoping some of the Cvillians show up, to contribute to stimulating conversation. There are plenty of Charlottesville real estate bloggers looking to meet new clients. Perhaps this will be a good venue for you?

It would be really nice to see Patience, whose kids go to C’ville schools, and whose blog I enjoy ever so much.

And I hope YOU come, too, all you glorious Charlottesville readers. You’ve gotta eat, right? Let me know in the comments or via e-mail if you think you can make it — between 6pm and 9pm Tuesday night.

If you’re not in the mood for The Shebeen and don’t care about meeting me or other bloggers, head out to one of the other four participating restaurants Tuesday night. You can choose from C & O, Fellini’s #9, Zinc and ZydeCo. All five restaurants will be contributing a percentage of the night’s take to the Program.

About Charlottesville Community Scholarship Program
The Charlottesville Community Scholarship Program is a unique public-private partnership established by the Charlottesville City Council in 2001. The Program provides assistance to low- and middle-income Charlottesville High School graduates and City and school division employees who wish to continue their education after high school.
The Program is open to candidates young and old. Scholarships follow students through their undergraduate education, and amounts can be adjusted each year — an important fact given that many colleges front-load first-year financial aid to students. We look forward to seeing you there!