Apply the Dewey Decimal system to the family’s collection of books.

What are YOUR kids doing this summer?

Granted, I called my primary care doctor and was instructed to call my specialist. I didn’t have time to search for his number (and yeah, I had to search for his number — I’m lucky I remembered his NAME) so the day continued until I was finally able to talk to a nurse late in the afternoon.

It gets worse from here, and I’m not even going to share any more of this story but know this — I got on a plane the next day. I left and worked and traveled for the next three days, putting myself so far on the back burner that it’s truly shameful. It was totally my choice. I considered my options and consulted no one. I take all the blame for being stupidly stubborn; it’s a pretty strong trait of mine.

I hear stories like this from other working moms and I’m horrified at this self-neglect badge of honor that’s emerged. We elevate, promote, honor and respect working women who either secretly or publicly (hello, bloggers!) bemoan their self-neglect. A working mom I admire tells me she’s “dying” because she’s working constantly and is clearly exhausted. How can I really admire that?

I don’t want to be like this — I don’t want to be that person who ends up in an early grave because I put work before a health issue, or miserable and alone because I put work before relationships. There’s no honor in that.

Work is important to me, clearly — I love my profession so much that it is very easy to put it first. But putting work first doesn’t always mean what we think. Sometimes it means restructuring the way we work, or how we share the workload. Could someone else have stepped in for me when I was sick? Probably. Are there people I’m accountable to who wouldn’t be understanding of my need for a reschedule, a recap or an extension, given the circumstances? Maybe, but that might be a smart risk to take.

I’ve screwed up my priorities for, I hope, the last time. Now I need to go call that doctor.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Dinner at Our House post. I’m really not a pretentious jerk, but man did I seem like one in that post. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that dinner at our house is a fancy affair every night. Nor do I want to leave the impression that we always have ironed napkins. Or that I even make dinner every night (last night I picked up Panera!)

I was really just slayed by the girl who said she never, ever had a sit-down dinner with her family.

I do pretty well getting the family fed, although they don’t always like what I make. (Tonight, I watched two grown men pick around the chickpeas in their Mediterranean pasta dinner.) But tonight’s dinner was what it was because I haven’t grocery shopped for more than a week and the whole meal had to come from what was in the pantry/fridge.

There are dust bunnies happily living under my couch.

I really need to clean the inside of my refrigerator.

There. I feel less pretentious now. And if you ever catch me acting like I’ve got it all together, and that I’m the well-organized working mom who gets a gourmet dinner (with cloth napkins) on the table every night, please call me on it.

Just say, “are you ironing your cloth napkins again?”

The hang-up I have is this, however; it seems as if our culture rewards, routinely, people who are not good time managers. People who are too busy to arrive on time are viewed as “important.” People who task switch throughout the day, never spending more than a moment or two focusing on one occupation spend more time than others “at” work – they appear to be terribly busy. In fact, they’re so busy they don’t have time for family, for their health, for rest. And we admire this! Particularly if that incredibly important, terribly busy person is a working mother.

Isn’t that kind of SICK? How do we get away from this? How do we stand up and say, NO, I’m not going to put that person who is stretched to the very limit on a pedestal. I refuse to emulate the model of extreme stress. I will not feel more valued just because there’s an increase in demands on my time. I’m working on it — but I have operated within these walls for my entire career and must remind myself daily not to slip back into my “too busy” ways.

Now I know that multitasking is a critical occupation of the working mother — and to be clear, we’re not talking about reading while exercising, or helping kids with homework while making dinner, or folding laundry while watching TV. I’m talking about the times we work on our laptop after hours, in front of the TV while our kids are telling us about what happened at school. Or composing e-mails while on a conference call. Or checking Twitter, Facebook or e-mail while in the middle of anything else.

It’s much more efficient and productive to set aside chunks of time for these tasks, and stick to them. Really! That’s the Power of Slow (and you should buy the book, and tell Christine I sent you).

How did I do it?

I put my head down and blasted through for three years, working, going to school or doing homework with no breaks, no real vacations and no free time.

Once a year, I went with my closest friends for a weekend on the river where I blew off steam, acted like a wild Samoan and was able to recapture a bit of what I’d skipped by growing up too fast. I cherished those weekends.

Every day I looked at my doe-eyed son (from the time he was a toddler to a preschool kid) and knew that working and going to school was for him, as much as it was for me, and that by sticking with it and getting through it, I could help make a better future for him.

My dad had worked full time and gone to law school when my sisters were little — I figured if he had done it, so could I. Apparently we’ve both passed down a difficult legacy.

I absolutely lived for the day I’d graduate (and my son would attend, in his tiny clip-on tie) and with each semester, the light at the end of the tunnel got a little brighter.

It was exhausting. He’s right. But I got through it. And so will he.

The blogger and family, graduation day, 1995

If your kids are putting up a fuss about writing on summer break (I can almost hear their anguished whines from Virginia), just tell them you’ll let them choose the cool new backpack. It’s a bargaining chip, I promise.

I’ve been sharing the same words of wisdom to all my young married guy friends for years; they’re concerned because their wives, new moms, moms-to-be or young moms, aren’t happy with their jobs; aren’t earning what they deserve or feel as if they’re not treated as well or as promoteable as their singleton or older-mom peers. In one case, a friend’s wife is nearing the end of her stint as a contract employee, following a major downsizing at her company.

I have Three Steps for the wives/moms/moms-to-be to follow:

1. Tell yourself, loudly and clearly, that you deserve a great job that makes you happy, satisfied and appropriately compensated. Say it every day until you really believe it.

2. Conduct your job search using ONE list: Working Mother’s 100 Best Companies for Working Mothers. These companies have the best benefits, many locations and a culture of support for people like you. Your compensation after your jump should be no less than 10 percent more than you made previously. If you don’t yet have children, but plan to in the future, there’s no better environment in which to find a good maternity leave, and a schedule that works for a future working mom.

3. Do whatever you have to do to hold out for the job you deserve. If it means taking an interim job in the meantime, tomake ends meet, do it, but don’t stop your search. The right job is out there waiting for you.

This week’s featured blog on WCAV CBS-19 is CvilleEntremom.

Here’s my interview with blog founder and administrator, Angie Brement:

1. What was the inspiration for C’ville Entremom?

I was actually inspired by First Wednesdays (First Wednesdays is a social gathering of internet Entrepreneurs, Coders, Designers, Bloggers and Marketers.  They meet the first Wednesday of each month at a bar / restaurant Downtown).  I saw that people kept referring to First Wednesdays on Twitter.  I thought, hmm.. there should be something like that for mothers that could use the networking and need to get out and meet other moms that do what they do!  So, the project began with networking in mind.  I was actually thinking about what form of advertising works best for my business (Angie Brement Photography) and where my money would be best spent going forward.  Then the answer came to me:  By far the #1 venue is word of mouth/networking.  My clients recommend my services to their friends.  I figured that other mom-owned businesses are the same… they rely on word of mouth.  I decided to become the word of mouth for not only myself, but other mom-businesses out there!

2. How many entremoms are there in C’ville?
So far I’ve found about 25.  The list grows every week.  I would estimate that there are about 75+ businesses out there… some, I just haven’t found yet!
3. What do you hope to achieve with the blog?
My number one goal is for local businesses to not only stay afloat, but grow in this downtrending economy.  By networking with each other, there is so much we can achieve.  We can get marketing ideas from each other, offer blog links or advertise on each other’s sites, recommend services to friends/other moms, exchange services, swap childcare with other working moms, team up for events… the opportunities are endless.  My 2nd goal is to get the word out to Charlottesville that these mom-owned businesses are out there and to build a “buy local” mentality.  Let’s all support each other.  Third, I’d love to inspire other mothers to follow their dreams and not be scared to start a business.  All of us have done this and are a powerful resource for anyone starting a new business.

4. What need are you filling in the community or in the blogosphere?
Buy local.  Let the community know these businesses are out there and can be serviced locally.  Providing a resource for start ups.  Getting mom-owned businesses together to network and grow.  Team up to expand business.

5. What do you want viewers to know about the site?
It is not just for Entrepreneur Moms.. it is for everyone.  So, spread the word and buy locally from motivated and powerful mom’s with great ideas and successful businesses.  If you are thinking of starting your own business, DO IT!  We can help!

Does the work you do or like (not always the same thing) have entrepreneurial possibilities?

Could you work from home?

Is this the time to flip out of your current career and go back to school, or try another job entirely?

Are there opportunities to share a job with a partner, to reduce hours but stay engaged in your industry?

Take time to really think about your next career move; it may be an employers’ market but that doesn’t mean it’s not time for you to be your own boss.