I began reading the book on Dec. 31 and finished it Jan. 3, 2010 and decided, somewhere in the middle that yes, I would give myself the gift of a year — this year, starting right now.  This is the year I will turn 40 so for me, it has some significance chronologically but really, it doesn’t matter; there’s no time like the present.

What does the gift of a year mean? It means taking 12 months of your life to put yourself first instead of last. It means doing or not doing; accomplishing or resting; it means for each person something different from every other. After learning about how women (in particular) put themselves last over and over, how we let go of our dreams and desires because other responsibilities, commitments and lack of time gets in the way, I learned that I’m part of that camp, and don’t really want to be. I’d rather set the example for my daughter, my friends and the colleagues I mentor and supervise of someone who is happy and healthy because I recognize the importance of putting myself first so that I can better care for others.

The book, which I highly recommend you read, too, takes the reader through the whole process of defining the year, choosing what you will do with it, planning for success, getting the support you need and getting started. Reading the stories of what other women did with their year helped me figure out what I wanted — no — needed to do with my gift of a year.

Saving My Own Life

I spent part of last year meeting with a friend who is a career coach. I learned a lot about time management, focus, goal-setting and prioritization. Going through this exercise helped me pare down some of the extracurricular activities that were taking too much of my time and my energy. When we talked about work/life balance and health and wellness I had an epiphany: I don’t take care of myself. Working with my friend, we came up with a self-affirming question I was to ask myself each and every morning, “How will I take care of myself today?” My friend, a wonderful supporter, would send me e-mails or leave voicemail messages asking me, “how are you taking care of yourself today?” It was a good start to thinking about myself in a different way; as a person who needs and deserves to be taken care of. I won’t go into all of the ways that I haven’t taken care of myself, those will become evident over time, if you continue reading this blog as I embark on this journey of my gift.

Now, that revelation and the work with my friend didn’t exactly get me moving in the right direction. Because I still wasn’t putting myself first, in fact it depressed me further. I felt helpless and overwhelmed. Then on Labor Day, 2009, I got sick with the flu. I was sick for most of September and spiraled down into a place I’d rather not return.

When the Late Bloomer Bride introduced the gift of a year idea to a group of friends, I felt granted permission. At first I thought of several ways to spend my year — and one great thing about the book is that it really helps you narrow down to exactly the right choice for you. I thought big; about writing a book, or writing every day on the three blogs I maintain. I thought about focusing on exercise. I thought about taking classes or learning something new. I thought about my job, and how I want to grow in my career. Ultimately, before I finished the book I’d landed on the most important gift I can give myself in my Year of 40 and that is . . .

To take really good care of myself every day.

Now, to some that might not seem like a big deal. That’s OK. Maybe you are someone who already takes good care of yourself. Good for you! But I’m not. I don’t make doctors’ appointments when I should, or I don’t keep them. I fail to take my medicine regularly. I forget, intentionally, to take my vitamins because I really, really don’t like taking vitamins. I don’t eat well all the time. I don’t exercise. I don’t take time off from work when I am sick. I could go on, but I won’t because it’s really awful . . . the point is, that’s over. In this gift of a year, I will take care of myself every day.

It will not be easy. There will be times when I’ll just want to give up and slide back into all my bad habits. I will have to employ what I learned from my friend about time management and actually schedule in the time needed to care for myself appropriately. I’ll have to make appointments and keep them. I’ll have to find ways to exercise and eat better.

I will also need the support of my family and friends. I will have to ask for help when I need it. I will have to say no now and again.

I’m hoping, of course, that you all will be here for me as this Year of 40 goes on. That I can report in and let you know how it’s going; what I’ve learned and how I’ve made it through the challenges. If you decide to give yourself the gift of a year (and I would love, love, love it if you joined me on this journey) I’d like to know how it’s going for you, too.

Think about it; what would you do with the gift of one year?

Prior to the piece, I asked Suzanne some questions about her blog:

Who is reading your blog? Any surprises?

Believe it or not, many men read my blog religiously. They even comment, which you can find in the comments section. I have had several (older) men tell me they call it “research.”

What does the Late Bloomer Groom think of the blog?

He doesn’t read it much, but he said so long as I don’t make him look bad, he’s okay with it.

Your posts are so universally appealing to anyone familiar with the trials and tribulations of relationships. How are you attracting more than a core audience of other LBBs?

I think what we LBBs find surprising in marriage is different from people who married young or not at all. We do all deal with a lot of the same issues, but our perspective on everything is so different.  This “pointing out the differences” could prove to be interesting to anyone.

I have found, again, that men seemed to be attracted to it, because I’m giving them an “inside” peek at how we women feel about being married. I also have several single women who are also finding it interesting – it’s also research for the future!

I am always trying to point out how an LBB might feel about XYZ issue, but also how ANY woman might feel, too. And, I try to do it with some humor. Laughter beats a temper tantrum any day (though I don’t always win that battle).

What’s the best part about being new to marriage over 40? The worst?

The best is the companionship and the fact that we have all these little rituals, traditions and inside jokes. It makes me feel like I’m an insider in a secret club. It’s comforting knowing someone is “in it” with you. (Other than that…well, I won’t go into anything else that isn’t PG, if you know what I mean.)

The worst is not knowing if all this compromise is for the good of the marriage or are we chipping away at who we are/our dreams? The other day, I passed on a buying a chair I really liked because I knew Husband wouldn’t like it. If I was single, I’d be sitting in it right now. So that “checking in” thing can be quite tedious. (I also don’t like not having complete control of the temperature!)

What kind of advice do you get from those of us who married when we were children? Do you pay attention to any of it?

I do pay attention to any and all advice. But, I am acutely aware that people who got married early also may not know what they are missing, which colors their perspective. Singles get used to a level of control and autonomy – being able to make decisions by yourself without consulting another. (See chair reference above )  Suddenly having someone care about (and have opinions about!) your every move can be disconcerting.

What advice do you have for brides at ANY age?

Never underestimate the power of saying “I love you” to your spouse every day. Also, try to find the humor wherever, and whenever, you can. Laughing can really blow off some steam. Beats slamming doors.

Anything else you want us to know?

I would love to have more LBBs to comment or even guest blog with their own advice. I’m just giving my viewpoint, but I’d really like to hear from women in similar situations – to see who they are dealing with things. I certainly don’t have all the answers – just lots of observations.