This week’s blog was a big hit and a favorite of mine, too. Suzanne Henry’s Late Bloomer Bride is amusing and thought-provoking, and as a collection of short essays about being married for the first time after the age of forty, is appealing to anyone whose ever been in a relationship. In other words, this bride’s blog isn’t just for brides!
Prior to the piece, I asked Suzanne some questions about her blog:
Who is reading your blog? Any surprises?
Believe it or not, many men read my blog religiously. They even comment, which you can find in the comments section. I have had several (older) men tell me they call it “research.”
What does the Late Bloomer Groom think of the blog?
He doesn’t read it much, but he said so long as I don’t make him look bad, he’s okay with it. 😉
Your posts are so universally appealing to anyone familiar with the trials and tribulations of relationships. How are you attracting more than a core audience of other LBBs?
I think what we LBBs find surprising in marriage is different from people who married young or not at all. We do all deal with a lot of the same issues, but our perspective on everything is so different. This “pointing out the differences” could prove to be interesting to anyone.
I have found, again, that men seemed to be attracted to it, because I’m giving them an “inside” peek at how we women feel about being married. I also have several single women who are also finding it interesting – it’s also research for the future!
I am always trying to point out how an LBB might feel about XYZ issue, but also how ANY woman might feel, too. And, I try to do it with some humor. Laughter beats a temper tantrum any day (though I don’t always win that battle).
What’s the best part about being new to marriage over 40? The worst?
The best is the companionship and the fact that we have all these little rituals, traditions and inside jokes. It makes me feel like I’m an insider in a secret club. It’s comforting knowing someone is “in it” with you. (Other than that…well, I won’t go into anything else that isn’t PG, if you know what I mean.)
The worst is not knowing if all this compromise is for the good of the marriage or are we chipping away at who we are/our dreams? The other day, I passed on a buying a chair I really liked because I knew Husband wouldn’t like it. If I was single, I’d be sitting in it right now. So that “checking in” thing can be quite tedious. (I also don’t like not having complete control of the temperature!)
What kind of advice do you get from those of us who married when we were children? Do you pay attention to any of it?
I do pay attention to any and all advice. But, I am acutely aware that people who got married early also may not know what they are missing, which colors their perspective. Singles get used to a level of control and autonomy – being able to make decisions by yourself without consulting another. (See chair reference above ;-)) Suddenly having someone care about (and have opinions about!) your every move can be disconcerting.
What advice do you have for brides at ANY age?
Never underestimate the power of saying “I love you” to your spouse every day. Also, try to find the humor wherever, and whenever, you can. Laughing can really blow off some steam. Beats slamming doors.
Anything else you want us to know?
I would love to have more LBBs to comment or even guest blog with their own advice. I’m just giving my viewpoint, but I’d really like to hear from women in similar situations – to see who they are dealing with things. I certainly don’t have all the answers – just lots of observations. 😉