What Kind of Mother Will You Be?
There are, believe or not, some non-mothers who read this blog. Some, unlike the guys or others not interested in procreating, plan to be mothers one day. For some, motherhood is imminent.
So to the someday moms, I ask, what kind of mother will you be?
I remember in high school, we all said we wanted to be the “cool mom.” We all planned to stay home with our kids until they went to school, but we also all planned to have amazing, fulfilling careers. Some friends have put off motherhood as long as possible, to get that career in first. Some simply haven’t found the right daddy. Some, like me, had kids first, then the career.
I’m not sure if I’m the “cool mom” I wanted to be. Probably not. We seldom are, to our own kids at least. I know I embarrass and even humiliate my kids at times. I’m sure I don’t “get it” and deserve the eye roll and the sigh now and again. My vow to always keep up with the new, cool music was thwarted around the time Britney and Justin were on the scene. Do you blame me?
I am not the mom, however, who still wears miniskirts and leopard print, who is trying to look like a teenager when clearly, she is NOT. I am also not the mom that micromanages and plans her children’s every move. I did not start looking at colleges when they were in preschool. I am the mom who cooks and cleans, who nags her kids to help and makes them do their own chores, even when they complain. I am not the mom who redoes their homework so they get good grades. I am the mom who will help the kids study, read over the paper or the math sheet, or drive to the store at 9pm to buy the posterboard for the project they forgot they had to do.
I am the mom who, occasionally, will let them eat birthday cake for breakfast. (What, there are eggs in it!) I am not the mom who will tolerate insolence, sloth, carelessness, thoughtlessness, lack of manners or bad grammar. I will let them stay up past bedtime, but only sometimes. I am the mom who tears up at band concerts and recitals because I’m just so darn proud. I am the mom who laughs at their jokes and loves it when they laugh at mine.
I am a mom who has lost patience, who has fallen apart, who has gotten angry, freaked out, panicked and stumbled. I am a mom who has lost confidence, made mistakes and had regret over decisions I’ve made as a parent. I am a mom who picks herself up, knows when to say “sorry” and tries to do better, again and again.
I am a mom who kissed her babies at least a hundred times a day. I am the mom who, seeing her 18 year old sleeping in the recovery room after having his wisdom teeth removed, loved him and cared for him just as much as when he was a tiny boy.
I am the mom who wants to know what my kids are doing, who they are with and when they will be home. I am comfortable letting them out of my sight and I don’t need to know about every moment of every day. That’s called letting go. I am the mom who has trouble letting go, but I’m not the mom who won’t. That much I know.
If you are a mom, what kind of mom are you? Are you the kind of mother you thought you’d be?
April 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
What a very sweet and beautiful post!
As for me, I’m definitely the cool mom, no doubt about it.
Of course, since my son is only 2, I still have the luxury of deluding myself about this. He is going through a phase of wanting to be carried up and down stairs, and my own mom gently criticizes me whenever I give in (which is always). I told her that in the blink of an eye, he’s going to want to be dropped off a block away from the movie theatre so his friends won’t see me. So I’m going to keep on carrying him up and down the stairs any time he asks.
On the flip side, I’m pretty sure that if he’s anything like his mother, he’s still going to be asking for M&Ms for breakfast in 10 years, so that’s one request I refuse to fulfill.
April 20th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Dang it, will you stop making me cry with your posts? I’m spending a fortune on mascara.
I am the mom who, all through my 20s, swore I would never have children. 9/11 changed my mind, and I had Princess E at 32 and Princess G at 35. Now I’d have a dozen if I could, because I love being a mom with an intensity that I’ve never come close to with anything else.
I just love on ‘em…a lot. We play dress-up, and build forts out of blankets, and paint our toenails blue, and dance all over the house. My house is a disaster, I haven’t seen a non-animated movie in a couple of years and I’m perpetually sleep-deprived, but who cares - I’ll take care of all that when they find their friends much more fun to hang out with than good ole mom. Until then, I’m going to enjoy every single moment I have with them, because it’s an amazing gift, and I am very blessed.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:54 am
I’m one of those non-mothers you referenced, but will be some day. Just not some day very soon.
I’m not sure what kind of mom I’ll be, but I do intend to keep my career going. I’ll probably take some parenting cues from those moms in my life that I admire, such as my own mom, my sister-in-law, and my friends who are currently entering the mommy-stage.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
“I am not the mom who will tolerate insolence, sloth, carelessness, thoughtlessness, lack of manners or bad grammar.”
well, i think that’s a damn fine place for me to start. Other than that, I hope to just avoid being the mom who steals my kid’s Ritalin. Or Adderall. Or whatever it is the kids are taking now.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:37 am
I always wanted to be a mom like I had. I think I’m mostly that except a little cleaner, more active, a bit stricter, but a bit older than I had wanted originally. (Our bodies are supposed to have babies at 18, not at 34 like me) I’ve given up trying to be cool, but I do like to keep up with what is current. My kids generally like me and I them (I always feared hating my kids). They have taught me a lot and I have learned that there are other needs in this world besides mine.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 am
If I’m half the mom you are, my kids will be in good shape!
April 24th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
The comments are great, as was the post.
Human- I think I am a human mom- most days are good, some are great and other moments I breathe deep and say I am sorry. One thing - my mom was very active with us, she played, roller skated and generally had played with us. I am not there yet. I am surprised by that.