Letters for my son: 14 days ’til college

Advice for the college freshman — I give you (drumroll, please) the Freshman Ten:

  1. Don’t consume alcoholic beverages. Not only is it illegal to drink under the age of 21, it’s also, um, a sin! And immoral (leading you to lie, at least to your parents if not others). Also? Probably unethical too because you’d just be supporting The Man who owns the industry. And we know you hate monopolistic capitalism. Right?
  2. Don’t smoke anything. Think about it. With your allergy track record, being allergic to anything that grows, that is, you’d probably just have a really ugly reaction to it. Imagine all smoke-ables are birch leaves. You’re WAY allergic to birch. Take your epi-pen just in case.
  3. College campuses are cesspools of disease and filth. Not unlike 1940’s Army barracks and ghettos, dorms are merely thinly disguised, expensive housing projects. Viruses spread faster than rumors. Don’t touch anyone.
  4. If you must go out in the rain, wear a raincoat.
  5. Don’t roll your eyes at me, young man.
  6. Should you get sick, go to Student Health. Do not believe everything Student Health says. (Sometimes they treat you for that which you do not have; say, for mono when, say, you’re maybe a little bit pregnant.) Should you get an Rx for an antibiotic, take it all as prescribed (see #3.)
  7. At the dining hall, do not consume only carbs. Focus on protein; it lasts longer. And yes, a salad is still a salad if it’s coated in ranch dressing.
  8. Do not fear the Freshman 15. You could use some meat on that lanky frame.
  9. If someone’s pitch for the night or the weekend ends with “It will be fun,” or worse, “You’ll be cool,” give that guy the hairy eye of suspicion. This is not a friend.
  10. Studies show that contrary to popular belief, you are not invincible. Please make a note of it.

About marijean

I'm a public relations professional, social media consultant and work-at-home-mom living and working in Charlottesville, Va. I'm Marijean Jaggers and this is my blog.
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3 Responses to Letters for my son: 14 days ’til college

  1. Kathy G says:

    I’m LOVING your daily notes to The Boy. I lived at home during college, so didn’t experience dorm life, but I’ve done it vicariously through Son #1 and Son #2.

    Here was my motherly advice to them:

    1. Now is the time to be creative with your hair. Grow, cut, or color it however you want.

    2. If you have to pierce something, make it your ear.

    3. If you have to get a tatoo, get it where it won’t show under business clothes.

    As far as I know, they haven’t done any of the three. Son #3, although currently not in school, is doing the hair thing, but I keep telling myself it’s not permanent.

  2. zuzu says:

    As usual, MJ, you made me laugh and get a little weepy. I cannot believe The Boy is on his way to college, since as I read your list, I feel as though I just left.

    Oh, and a note to The Boy: Don’t wear a raincoat. You’ll look like a dork. Take an umbrella. As tall as you are, you could provide shelter for many a young lass that is caught in the rain without hers. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

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