Just a Word or Two about Where I’ve Been

It’s been a rough few years. Serious downs, terrifying times, a divorce, a lot of learning, and growing, much work done (mentally, emotionally, physically) and, at last, an upward trajectory of sublime happiness and love. I’m in a good place, now, but it’s startling how hard it was to get here. I have such appreciation for people who have gone through dramatic life changes. I’m forever changed and so grateful to those who helped me through what has been, so far, the darkest period of my life.

I share this only to say this: if you’re in the thick of that now, all those people who tell  you it will get better, who say, wait until morning; tomorrow is another day, who remind you that “this, too, shall pass,” are right. You’ll get through it. And no, you can’t go around it or under it — you have to go through it. And yeah, it’s going to suck. Sometimes you’re going to be miserable. Someone I barely knew during some of the worst of the awful days said to me, “some days, you’re going to want to just stay in bed and cry. Some days, that’s OK. Just do that. Don’t try to hold it in. Allow yourself to be sad. Let it out.”

He was right. I allowed myself to feel it all, as bad as it was. Just let it wash over me and looked it right in the eye. It was truly terrible. Then the sky began to clear. Something would be funny. A friend would need me. I’d do something with my kids. My spirit lifted and slowly, those little lifts started to run together and get more consistent. I started to believe I could be happy again. And then I was.

Moments of hope and encouragement came from unexpected sources. I’ll always be so grateful for those people, those moments, and that I managed to be open to receive those blessings as they came.

I don’t know how much writing I’ll do here but I felt I owed you all an update, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like writing. I feel like sharing, and I hope that if I can entertain, encourage, or otherwise help another person through being here, then it’s worth it.

I’ve missed this.

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